Get Yer Freak Coup-on!

Present this coupon on the Blah Blah Blahg Forum for a night of panytless partying with Paris. Not valid where personal hygiene products are sold.


Assenmacher Lugwork says:
hi

Half Off Taco says:
hi

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
our forum is not popular

Half Off Taco says:
no

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
and that saddens me
weren't we going to do a two for one deal or something?

Half Off Taco says:
yeah
a coupon

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
right

Half Off Taco says:
but
for what?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
umm
well
for us

Half Off Taco says:
right

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
there's 2 of us

Half Off Taco says:
yes

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
so you'd get us both for the price of one of us

Half Off Taco says:
right
how mush is one of us?
mush
how MUCH is one of us?
I am at least 13 bucks
you are like 27.99
so
we should make them pay for you

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
yes

Half Off Taco says:
ok
so
we need a coupon
how will we get the coupon out to people?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
remember that coupon?

Half Off Taco says:
what coupon?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
This one

Half Off Taco says:
ohhh
so what do we do with it?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
umm
dunno?

Half Off Taco says:
stand on top of a high rise and throw them off?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
ummm
i dunno?

Half Off Taco says:
stand on the corner in a chicken suit and sandwich board handing them out?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
dunno?

Half Off Taco says:
Have Matt Lauer tattoo it on his forehead?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
dunno?
maybe?

Half Off Taco says:
have Angelina Joile adopt a coupon?
Joile

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
i guess?

Half Off Taco says:
Have the coupon go on a diet, get a spray tan, and make an internet sex video?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
might as well?

Half Off Taco says:
Ohhh
I know
have the coupon get drunk, go for a drive, slap a cop and go to rehab?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
i think the coupon should party pantyless with Paris

Half Off Taco says:
yes

Unchained Blogedy

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
we're running out of time to be funny
i'm still not feeling you

Roti Auratus says:
yeah
well
that's all

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
what?
"that's all"?

Roti Auratus says:
huh?

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
when did you lose that loving feeling?
cause it's gone
gone
gone

Roti Auratus says:
whoa

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
whoa

Roti Auratus says:
whoa

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
see
now THAT joke's dead

Roti Auratus says:
yeah
sorry

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
it's not your fault
we both killed it

Roti Auratus says:
I just read our stuff from yesterday
and

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
yah?

Roti Auratus says:
I think we were funny enough for a week

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
are you gonna sit back on your ass?
is that it?

Roti Auratus says:
yes
yup

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
don't you know that being funny takes PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE?
you will lose your edge

Roti Auratus says:
no

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
yes

Roti Auratus says:
that , my dear, is how you get to carnegie Hall
being funny just happens
I just let the funny roll out of me
like a comedy hamster wheel

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
you poop in your hamster wheel
and you eat your young

Roti Auratus says:
true
but
it is funny

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
meh

Roti Auratus says:
what is funnier than pooping?
and eating babies?
nothing

Assenmacher Lugwork says:
you have a point

Edit Murphy

Axel Foley says:
we have to be careful with the edits
we want it to be real
organic
ya know?

Velvet Jones says:
i know
don't lecture me
miss-I-don't-do-a-goddamn-thing

Axel Foley says:
that was not as lecture
it was a helpful reminder
you know what I think?
I think you LIKE that I am a lazy good-for-nuthin'
because you get to have control of the content
I see what you are up to

Velvet Jones says:
are we breaking up?
is that what you want?

Axel Foley says:
no
don't be a drama queen

Velvet Jones says:
when have I EVER edited you??
I have ALWAYS NEVER TOUCHED your stuff

Axel Foley says:
there is no me in this, there is only us

Velvet Jones says:
~flings tiara at axel~
~stomps off~

Axel Foley says:
is that a double negative?
No

Velvet Jones says:
~turns~
I HATE YOU!!

Axel Foley says:
what's the opposite of a double negative?

Velvet Jones says:
~continues stomping~

Axel Foley says:
a single positive?
No

Velvet Jones says:
~secretively looks back to see if you are looking~
~stomps louder~
~slams stuff~

Axel Foley says:
~tries on tiara~

Velvet Jones says:
~tears up the blog~
~flings blog pieces at axel~

Axel Foley says:
~walks away humming "Listen"~
~messes up the melody~
~trips~
~falls down stairs~

Velvet Jones says:
~rushes to help axel~

Axel Foley says:
~fights for life~
(where are we going with this?)

Velvet Jones says:
(i think we're reconciling, but I'm not sure)

Axel Foley says:
~Laughs Out Loud~

Velvet Jones says:
~stomps away again~

Axel Foley says:
~dies~
~fade to black~
~credits~
~Oscars nominations announced~

Velvet Jones says:
~accepts your oscar, gives it to Eddie Murphy~

Axel Foley says:
~puts on fat suit~

Velvet Jones says:
lololol

Axel Foley says:
~makes terrible movie~

Velvet Jones says:
~picks up a transvestite hooker~

Axel Foley says:
ahahahahahahahahahah!

And I Am Telling You

Beyonce says:
did you listen to The Eug and the anti-gay phone company?
he ends the call with, "ok, bye...I love you"
"Gay T and T"
lololol

Jennifer says:
i couldn't get it to load
i love The Eug
maybe The Eug will discover us
maybe The Eug will get me pregnant and then make YOU the lead singer, prompting me to sing a deeply moving show stopper

Beyonce says:
what a great plan

Jennifer says:
i think it could work
there's a precedent

Beyonce says:
that is important for these types of things

Jennifer says:
then he will market you like a commodity and I will sink into poverty and alcoholism

Beyonce says:
this all sounds so familiar
I must be imagining it
go on

Jennifer says:
and then he will steal my comeback record and by this time you will be disillusioned and go through Jamie Foxx's I mean The Eug's drawers and find evidence of ethical violations
and then I will threaten to sue Jamie's I mean The Eug's ass and then we will be reunited for a concert where Jamie I mean The Eug sees his daughter for the first time and I hand him his balls on a platter
or something like that

Beyonce says:
this is good stuff
is Simon Cowell involved in this in any way?

Jennifer says:
Simon who? Oh, you mean the pansy brit who will be kissing my ass on Oscar Night?

Big Ups

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
we have our own board now

Cookie Crunk says:
yes
I don't remember my login on our forum
so
I will have a new one each time
but I will always be reddy

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
you are a goofball
you need to write it down

Cookie Crunk says:
I know
but
it is sort of fun
I am unpredictable
and you like that about me
it is charming

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
but
how can i tell if you are a troll or not?

Cookie Crunk says:
you will know
it will be obvious
it will smell like me

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
ok
(what do you smell like?)

Cookie Crunk says:
I smell like vaseline and sugar cookies

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
also
have you noticed YET AGAIN that I do all the work?

Cookie Crunk says:
what?
did somebody say something?

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
I pay the money, I set up the forum, I format the code, I update the blog - and you do NOTHING
except sit there and forget your login

Cookie Crunk says:
~LOUD NOISES~
no...what?
I can....I can't hear you
~BUS DRIVES BY~

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
i'd like some BIG UPS please
I make you look good
and you refuse to admit it

Cookie Crunk says:
I am always willing to push it up for you

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
I'm not talking about your mosquito boobs
i'm talking about props, boo

Cookie Crunk says:
here...
I will do some crunk dancing
~crunk dances~

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
sigh

Cookie Crunk says:
~gets headache~
~pulls muscle~

Humptylicious Diggity Boo Yo says:
you are so white

Pretty, Witty and Gay

Maria says:
hi
is today email a moron day?
because many morons are emailing me and they would like an email back
I just got an email from someone who wants funding from us and she called me "maria"
um...

Tony says:
maria

Maria says:
you might want to check into what the "M" stands for first

Tony says:
ma-REEE-AH!! I just spammed a girl named MA-REEE-AH!!
and suddenly that name
oh never mind
do you feel pretty?
oh so pretty?
pretty and witty and gay?
and do you pity
and girl who isn't you today?
(stop me)

Maria says:
lolol
I feel some of those things
at least one of those things

"Where Was I?"

We love our fans. This is a lovely note from Dr. Zhivago from our forum:


"Wow, your blog is the best. It's like the family I never had except better. Did you know I was born without a family? It's true. Families are a crutch anyways. If I was a dinosaur I would probably try to eat my family if I had one. That's a lot of 'ifs' though. Ok, where was I...oh yeah, your blog is the best. It's good like things that are blueberry flavored but not flavored like blueberry flavoring. I mean lavored like real blueberries. It's pretty hard to come by things with true blueberry flavoring. There's this little hole-in-the-wall independent soda maker in Willimantic, CT that makes a blueberry soda every now and then. They color it orange for some reason, but it tastes just like real blueberries. Ok, where was I...oh yeah, your blog is the best. At least I remember it being the best. I haven't actually read it in years and years. When I was pregnant back in 'Nam, your blog was my favorite thing to read. Charlie didn't like us coming into their villages and reading your blog very much. Oh sure, during the day they were like, 'Ooooh, look at the blog. It's so interesting!' but by night they would come out and shoot anyone who read it. Ok, where was I...oh yeah, your blog is the best. I try not to be superfluous with my superlatives but this blog really deserves to be called the best. Ever. I think. I'll go read it now. I'm sure it's the best though. Right? I mean, not many blogs have their own forums. Right? Maybe they do, who knows. I don't really read blogs."

The Eug

Blah Blah Blahg would like to marry this man. Or at least make love to him, dangerously.

Fug You, You Fugging Funts

Krystle says:
the Fuggers stole us again

Krystle says:
noooo
linky

Krystle says:
posted IM's

Krystle says:
i hate them

Krystle says:
it even sort of sounds like us
our style
the way we get into a groove

Krystle says:
LINKY!!

Krystle says:
http://www.gofugyourself.typepad.com/
you know the site!
don't tell me what to do!
I am lazy, not you!

Krystle says:
listen
do you ever want to see the blog again?
because what I giveth, I can take away

Krystle says:
just look at the fuggers

~Krystle looks~

Krystle says
HOLY SHIT!!!
that is TOTALLY US!!

Krystle says:
see?
the riffing on a theme...

Krystle says:
those bitches!!
how long have they been fugging?
because I bet we go back further

Krystle says:
not sure
IM blogging is definitely ours

Krystle says:
yep
god i hate them
i need to get a soda

Krystle says:
I love them
but
I hate them=
for being more famous
on our backs

Krystle says:
bitches stole our schtick
let's get them

Krystle says:
how do we get 'em?

Krystle says:
shit
they go back to 2004
we only started in August 05

Krystle says:
yeah
but with IM's?

Krystle says:
oh yeah
you have a point
they stole that bit

Krystle says:
yeah
git 'em

Krystle says:
wait
~getting soda~

Krystle says:
ok
Krystle says:
Ok, I'm back
and I've thought about it
i don't think we should get them
i think we should rise above

Krystle says:
yes
I agree
there is room for all of us

Krystle says:
(but you can spit in their drinks at the next big gala we attend with them, if you want)

Krystle says:
ok
I might key their cars in the parking lot
or pay the valet to do it

Krystle says:
oooh
that's good
but
what if they don't have cars?
i know!!
bring a big black sharpie to the next gala
and while you are hugging them, write "cunt" on their backs
you'll have to practice writing cunt backwards

Krystle says:
I have that down already, no worries

Krystle says:
cool

Krystle says:
t-n-u-c
see?

Krystle says:
lol

Krystle says:
(we blogged)
what should we call it?
Throw down?

Krystle says:
yah

Krystle says:
ok
http://www.sancho-asia.com/IMG/jpg/throw_down_big.jpg
Blog Jihad

Krystle says:
no
the pic needs to be a girl on girl catfight
and yeah, we gotta call it blog jihad

Krystle says:
yah
Jihad me at hello
I just thought of that. I bet I wasn't the first...but it made me laugh

Krystle says:
lolol
i just like how blog and jihad rhyme

Krystle says:
man, what pic will we use
googling Jihad is scary
http://www.videovat.com/images/060421-hooters-shorts-catfight-video-1.jpg

Krystle says:
no
we need a nonblurry one

Krystle says:
http://www.geocities.com/sauu_sauu33/Cat-Fight.jpg
http://www.danaholst.com/images/wrestle/red_cat_fight.jpg

Krystle says:
yeah!
second one!!

Krystle says:
http://www.theretrobaby.com/store/images/Dynasty.gif
I liked that one too

Krystle says:
oooo
alexis and krystle
we are totally the krystle in this

Krystle says:
yes

Catch Phrase

Cold Shit says:
listen
it's 4:30 and we really haven't said anything blogworthy today
are we allowed to have "off" days?

Hot Shit says:
it doesn't matter
because the blog never gets updated

Cold Shit says:
ow
that burned
i didn't even see that coming

Hot Shit says:
well
reality burns
or something

Cold Shit says:
that's some cold shit right there, man

Hot Shit says:
well
reality is cold
or something
I am having a hard time with a catch phrase there

Cold Shit says:
i take full responsibility for the lack of updates
in fact
i realize that things have gotten so desperate that the blog has taken to updating itself
but there's no need for the cold shit

Hot Shit says:
ok
listen
I just had an idea
let's come up with a catch phrase for the blog

Cold Shit says:
wait
don't change the subject
we already have a catch phrase
it's what the egg is saying
"really. how interesting"

Hot Shit says:
that's not a catch phrase that is an egg talking

Cold Shit says:
listen
stop this
we've gotta STOP
hurting each other
can't we stop
hurting each other
breaking each other down
tearing each other apaaaaart!

Hot Shit says:
there
there's a catch phrase

Cold Shit says:
that's a song you idiot

Hot Shit says:
oh
right
well
reality is an idiot
or something
this is harder than it seems

Cold Shit says:
you suck at this

Hot Shit says:
there
THAT is a catch phrase

Cold Shit says:
"you suck at this"?

Hot Shit says:
no
but
actually
yes

Cold Shit says:
~eyeroll~