Reality Blog

Grant says:
dude
the ghost hunters have a book out
Ghost Hunting
i SO need this book

Jason says:
oh yeah?
let me guess
it is a book about ghosts
and hunting them
ok
you should have it

Grant says:
you need to see this show
they're kinda dumb but loveable
like they sorta know how to use their equipment, but they really don't

Jason says:
ok
I don't watch many shows
I like Top Chef
and
that's it
when is it on?

Grant says:
it is on on Wednesday nights starting at 8pm on the Sci Fi channel
YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS SHOW

Jason says:
ok
I will be in my hotel room tomorrow night
I will look for it

Grant says:
WATCH IT!!!!
it will be SPOOKY!!

Jason says:
I will try
oh yeah
spooky night

Grant says:
i think it's live tomorrow night
http://www.scifi.com/ghosthunters/home.html
looka that big dumb bald lummox

Jason says:
ha

Grant says:
he's got a look on his face like 'was dat a sound dat i just hoid?'

Jason says:
hold me ma!

Grant says:
lol
http://www.scifi.com/ghosthunters/team/jasonandgrant/
read the description
they are plumbers
i love this show so much

Jason says:
man, anybody can have a show now
where is my goddamned show?

Grant says:
you are a grant writer/reader
and you are small
and drum on the side
there's a show in that

Jason says::
I don't write grants
but everything else works
I'm in
let's do it
set up the cameras

Grant says:
no wait - we gotta get the premise right
you give money to people
and you are small
and you drum

Jason says:
yes
well
not MY money

Grant says:
ok
start over

Jason says:
ok
go

Grant says:
you are a small modern day Robin Hood who takes from the rich and gives to the poor while drumming righteously in her spare time

Jason says:
I like it

Grant says:
there's your show
what's my show?

Jason says:
ok
well
you draw stuff
and
sing
and have a HAZMAT suit
which kicks so much ass

Grant says:
that's too much
we need to narrow it down
you only get 2 things and they should be opposites

Jason says:
ok
you sing
in a HAZMAT suit

Grant says:
well no
i sing
and i occasionally wear a hazmat suit
but in no way do those 2 things intersect

Jason says:
ok
but
you could put the HAZMAT on and sing
if you wanted

Grant says:
ehhhh
it would be pretty sweaty

Jason says:
that's a show
HAZMAT Idol

Grant says:
i like your show better

Jason says:
yeah
my show kicks ass

The Blogxorcist

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
what are you doing for halloween that is scary?
i am not shaving my legs

Count Blogula says:
SCARY

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
what are you doing?

Count Blogula says:
I am watching an entire episode of Tyra Banks
ALONE

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
i think you should leave some mayonnaise out on the counter in summertime and then make a sandwich with it and eat it

Count Blogula says:
that gave me shivers

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
i know

Count Blogula says:
never speak of it again

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
sorry
i think i will also rake the leaves in my brand new sneakers, and not check to see where the dog's poop is before i step
but that's not scary so much as it is gross

Count Blogula says:
I'm going to buy the new Britney record
Spoooooooooky

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
~gets garlic wreath~
actually, i think the only thing that would repel Britney at this point would be a wreath of undies and a bottle of non-alcoholic beer

Count Blogula says:
HAHA

Bride of Bloggenstein says:
~sprinkles Count Blogula with non-alcoholic beer~

Count Blogula says:
I feel the urge to raise my children well
that was CLOSE

Do You Know The Muffin Blog?

Muffin Tard says:
I just ate a bran muffin
there is more of it on my lap than in my belly
what am I, 7?

Colon Blow says:
wait
don't blame yourself
you're not the one who couldn't hold himself together
i mean
how hard can a bran muffin's life be?
HOLD IT TOGETHER, MAN!!

Muffin Tard says:
lol
I man handled him a bit

Colon Blow says::
why is it that WE are the ones always left picking up the pieces?
we're co dependent on the muffin

Muffin Tard says:
well, I could have been more gentle
I could have tried a little harder

Colon Blow says:
listen
you can't make the muffin change
the muffin has to WANT to change

Muffin Tard says:
I can't help the muffin realize its full potnetial
potnetial

Colon Blow says:
retard

Muffin Tard says:
lolol

Colon Blow says:
well, you DID help the muffin reach it's potential
you ate it

Muffin Tard says:
good point

Colon Blow says:
that is what the muffin was born to do
be eaten

Muffin Tard says:
gotta poop
the muffin has realized its full potential

Colon Blow says:
I'm blogging this

Muffin Tard says:
lolol
Do you now the muffin blog?
now?
I am RETARDED

Colon Blow says:
lolol

Muffin Tard says:
(put that bit in)

Colon Blow says:
ok

Not So Fresh Feeling

Vinegar says:
i've noticed this pattern
someone does something douchey
i say "hey, that was douchey"
and blammo - i'm crazy

Massengill says:
yup

Vinegar says:
weird
cause when someone points out the douchey things i do....
i kinda have to step back and go, "was that douchey? oops. sorry. I didn't know"
some people take the pointing out of their douchiness pretty hard

Massengill says:
they do
no one wants to see their own douchiness
the douche hurts

Vinegar says:
but
the douche is not all there is
i don't believe that people are defined by their douche

Massengill says:
right

Vinegar says:
unless they refuse to recognize their douche
THEN they BECOME the douche

Massengill says:
right
the douche shall set you free

Vinegar says:
unless the douche drags you down
letting GO of the douche shall set you free

Massengill says:
right

Vinegar says:
right

Belated Movie Review

Rotten Tomatoes says:
I love the Daily Mail
look at Jude Law:

he and Phil Collins have the same barber
(they even say that in the article)

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
lol
wow

Rotten Tomatoes says:
i never liked Jude Law

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
I never got the Jude Law thing
he is skinny and pasty

Rotten Tomatoes says:
jinx

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
ahaha

Rotten Tomatoes says:
and looks borderline mongoloid

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
and not a great actor
he always looks tired
grey

Rotten Tomatoes says:
he was good in that matt damon movie

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
oh yeah
he was

Rotten Tomatoes says:
where he was rich and spoiled and matt killed him
but then again
i don't think he was acting in that matt movie - that's just how he is

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
yeah
but that Tom Hanks gangster movie...
he sucked
chewed the scenery

Rotten Tomatoes says:
yeah - road to perdition was dumb

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
I hated that movie
people friggin loved it
it started out ok

Rotten Tomatoes says:
i dont' remember it

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
then Tom hanks became Tom Hanks
I was waiting for Meg Ryan to show up

Rotten Tomatoes says:
what i remember is this: there was a kid, tom hanks looked worried, it was always dark out
that's it

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
yah
it was so dark
why was that movie so dark?

Rotten Tomatoes says:
was it night?

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
and what was it about anyway?

Rotten Tomatoes says:
it was about riding around in a car at night with your kid, being worried

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
and Jude Law had bad teeth and chased them

Rotten Tomatoes says:
and took pictures

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
not his teeth
he didn't chase his teeth

Rotten Tomatoes says:
right

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
right

Rotten Tomatoes says:
you'd have to have some pretty nimble teeth to chase your teeth
cause basically, teeth are stationary
they don't move

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
it would be like chasing you tail
if you tail was in your mouth

Rotten Tomatoes says:
except that you don't have a tail
so you wait to grow one

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
I typed you both times instead of your

Rotten Tomatoes says:
or something

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
right
what are we talking about?

Rotten Tomatoes says:
your r key is stuck
movies?
maybe?

That Gay Annoying Movie Review Guy Whatshisname says:
oh
I guess

That New Blog Smell

Outback says:
did I tell you we bought a new car on Saturday?
I have never had a new car before

Civic says:
congratulations

Outback says:
I am afraid to drive it because it is so shiny

Civic says:
what is it?

Outback says:
Nissan Sentra

Civic says:
that is not an SUV
that isn't even vaguely lesbian

Outback says:
yeah, we thought about subaru outbacks and all that
but the sentra spoke to us
so
I will turn it into the new lesbian car of choice
just wait

Civic says:
isn't it a law that lesbians have to buy outbacks or jeep libertys?

Outback says:
it is "strongly suggested"

Civic says:
you're a paradigm shifter

Outback says:
that's right
dykes all over will be driving Nissan Sentras
anyway
I was driving this car the other day
and I found myself sweating and white knuckling
because it is so new and shiny
I have never driven such a car

Civic says:
that's so cute
you were nervous about breaking it in

Outback says:
yes

Civic says:
i bet that car had never been with a lesbian before

Outback says:
I could tell

Civic says:
i bet you made it's first time really meaningful

Outback says:
it didn't pull to the left at all
our old car was such a dirty old dyke
this car is bi-curious

Civic says:
lolol

Outback says:
for now
once I turn her over a few times...
forget it

Blog You Like a Hurricane

Cold Front says:
i want you to know
the weather service says you are weakening

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
I still have some fight in me
do not test me

Cold Front says:
that is not the point
WHY did I have to find this out from the weather service?
why didn't you tell me yourself?

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
I am letting them handle my press
I talk to no one
and believe me they are getting a big old fee
so I don't want to hear it

Cold Front says:
sure, blow off africa, mess around a couple of cargo ships, hire some bunch of geeks to represent you, then peak before the age of 3days
some Melissa YOU are
i am not impressed

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
I like to enter with a bang
and leave before anyone notices

Cold Front says:
perhaps it is poetic justice that you are weakening

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
it's my thing

Cold Front says:
i've known better storms than you

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
perhaps it is strategy

Cold Front says:
storms that effed up florida BIG time
you think you're so cool
they won't even bother to put the Coast Guard on red alert for you

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
Florida is a waste of my time

Cold Front says:
uh huh

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
that is for the boy storms

Cold Front says:
riiiiight

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
yer Andrews, yer Dennis
dudes
I mean Florida looks like a big dick

Cold Front says:
at least they made LAND!

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
pffft

Cold Front says:
you're just swirling around like a toilet bowl and you're not even doing that well

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
I am pretty though

Cold Front says:
pretty weak

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
all swirly and twisty

Cold Front says:
(i just burped soda and it went up my nose and stung)
(and made my eyes water)

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
I bet it felt like hurricane melissa

Cold Front says:
I've seen jacuzzis more powerful than you

Tropical Depression Melissa says:
Yeah, I am a fart in the bath tub
I'm so ashamed