Blogging in Real Time

Ed note: this past weekend, White Text and Reddy got together to take in a Sondre Lerche concert in Brooklyn. The following are the texts between the two of them, as White Text was traveling toward NYC, and during the actual concert itself. Yes. During the concert. We texted. It's a sickness.

Sunday, November 25th:

White Text texts:
I have a pimple on my nose. I grew it because I knew I would be seeing you tomorrow.

Reddy texts:
I am still short. We are both freaks.

White Text texts:
I am in a car. When the car gets to pookipsee I will sell it to the Amish for traimfare to the city. Wish me lubk. Traim. Lubk.

Reddy texts:
Goof lubk!

~~~~~~~~~~~Later~~~~~~~~

White Text texts::
I am in NYC. No thanks to the friggin' Amish.

Reddy texts:
The amish really are selfish bastards.


Monday, November 26th:
Ed note: Monday dawned cold and rainy. Monsoonish. Plans were made to meet at the corner of 42nd and 6th and take the train to Brooklyn.

White Text texts:
Let's just swim to Brooklyn.

Reddy texts:
I'm just leaving my office nowo don't leave! You might get lost in williamsburg!

White Text texts:
I am at the newstand. I am wearing a fright wig.

Reddy texts::
I am wearing flippers and a swim cap.

~~~~~~~later, at the concert. White Text and Reddy are sitting no more than 2 feet away from each other~~~~~

Reddy texts:
Hi. What are you doing.

White Text texts:
nuthin. U?
wot u doin?

Reddy texts:
Nuthin. Chillin' with a hand on my heart.

White Text texts:
Ur retarfed.

Reddy texts (about the opening act):
He is boring. HjegYARNrdtegdbdbfg even.

Reddy texts (about the out of tune opening act):
TUNE YEAR GITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ed note; the rest of the concert was awesome. Sondre Lerche ripped through a nearly two hour set that left us breathless at his virtuosity. His intensity, his songwriting nuances and his hilarious between song banter made this a night to remember. As Reddy said later, "I love that he is a skilled, nuanced guitar player and can rock the fuck out and break strings and shit!". High praise indeed!

hairy eyeball

Happy Blogsgiving

Charmin says:
hey
do we need to do a Thanksgiving blog?

Cottonelle says:
hey
i was just thinking that
what are you thankful for?

Charmin says:
I am thankful for many things
Angelina's Cartoon Tits
that's two
I had a really good cup of coffee this morning
so
I'm thankful for that
what about you?
do you have a list?

Cottonelle says:
hmm
i am thankful for fabric softener
and i think i take toilet paper for granted sometimes

Charmin says:
we all do

Cottonelle says:
yah
i'm ashamed of myself actually
think of how we treat toilet paper

Charmin says:
I know
we just flush it away

Cottonelle says:
yet it just sits there silently on the roll
serving us
without complaint

Charmin says:
right

Cottonelle says:
i think more people need to take a good hard look at toilet paper
there are lessons to be learned here

Charmin says:
we hardly ever think about it
until it is not there
then
we panic

Cottonelle says:
we get mad

Charmin says:
yup
we are selfish

Cottonelle says:
indeed

Charmin says:
there it is
our Thanksgiving blog

Cottonelle says:
agreed
stay clean, thanksgiving peeps!

Heat + Art = HEART

Art says:
ok
listen

Heatmiser says:
ok

Art says:
no more of this "not signing in till 10:30am" crap
i won't stand for it

Heatmiser says:
I'm sorry
I was busy
and I forgot to login

Art says:
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING??

Heatmiser says:
I'm sorry

Art says:
sure you are

Heatmiser says:
I have a stack of grant shit up to my eyes
and
I know what you are going to say
that can't be very high
because...blah...short joke

Art says:
what is more important
the grant shit or me

Heatmiser says:
you
without question

Art says:
so....
WHY WAS I WAITING?

Heatmiser says:
but
one of these things pays my bills
you better start paying my bills, mutha fucka

Art says:
hey
don't pull that crap on me
one of those things pays your bills, but what would you rather live without - heat or art?

Heatmiser says:
ohhh
that is so unfair

Art says:
MAKING ME WAIT IS SO UNFAIR!!

Heatmiser says:
which are you?
heat or art?

Art says:
if you don't know i am not going to tell you

Heatmiser says:
I think you are both
you are hot art

Art says:
lolol

Behind The Blog

Phil Spector says:
hi
i think i may have thought up the all time greatest band name...EVER

Brian Epstein says:
hi
let's hear it
Billy Vera and the beaters is taken
FYI

Phil Spector says:
ok
are you ready

Brian Epstein says:
yes

Phil Spector says:
"Pentagram Donut"

Brian Epstein says:
I think that is very good
it is deliciously evil

Phil Spector says:
it is perfect

Brian Epstein says:
it is Sweet, yet Satanic
what kind of music does Pentagram Donut play?

Phil Spector says:
oh i dunno
i just think up the names

Brian Epstein says:
I think they should play dark prog-metal
but
they will put out a concept album
about the struggle between good and evil

Phil Spector says:
i think you give PD too much credit for brains
they're just there to rock, man

Brian Epstein says:
well, some of them are
the bass player is fucked up on coke
and the drummer is a drunk
but the front man is really into the dark arts
and the guitar player was raised Catholic

Phil Spector says:
honestly
i think you put too much thought into this
there isn't even a band yet and already you've written the "Behind The Music" script

Brian Epstein says:
that's the beauty part
we're ready
I think the drummer will die first
is that too cliche?

Phil Spector says:
he can't die before someone goes to rehab
cause when he dies, that's gonna make the dude who went to rehab fall off the wagon again

Brian Epstein says:
right

Phil Spector says:
how is the drummer gonna die? I say freak turkey hunting accident

Brian Epstein says:
yes, drummers are known turkey hunters

Phil Spector says:
One of them has go be caught doing a line of coke off Gary Coleman's ass

Brian Epstein says:
perfect
I say we sit back and wait for the royalties

Phil Spector says:
we're not done yet

Brian Epstein says:
oh

Phil Spector says:
we've got the downfall down
we have to do the reunion and "where are they now" parts

Brian Epstein says:
we need the rise

Phil Spector says:
oh - and the rise too
the rise - they all met at a star trek convention
no
nix the star trek

Brian Epstein says:
ok

Phil Spector says:
they met in childhood, at cub scouts

Brian Epstein says:
ok

Phil Spector says:
that doesn't work either, does it?
ok
2 of them met working at an apple farm
they met the others at a pie bake-off

Brian Epstein says:
let's just kill them off
get to the end
get to the "a deadly combination of drugs and alcohol" part

Phil Spector says:
ok
this is what we have so far:
rise - apple farm, bake-off, deadly romance with drugs and alcohol
downfall - rehab, drummer dead, rehab, coke off gary's ass

Brian Epstein says:
yup
and maybe in between they play some songs
or not

Phil Spector says:
then they disappear off the radar for a while

Brian Epstein says:
nobody cares

Phil Spector says:
then there is a reunion
that a few 40ish pudgy women with non descript hair cuts, bifocals and aqua pant suits attend

Brian Epstein says:
they put out a new record
but
everyone is sober and it sucks

Phil Spector says:
right
now
1 of them is an accountant
1 of them lives in santa fe and makes sand sculptures in empty soda bottles
drummer = dead
the other one = gary coleman's common law "wife"

Brian Epstein says:
done

Phil Spector says:
wow
we're good!

Brian Epstein says:
Pentagram Donut fucking rocks!

Phil Spector says:
Let's start a Pentagram Donut tribute band.

Blogger's Block

Twiddle says:
what are we going to blog about today?
we could blog about what we're gonna do when we get home
i am going to clean
only an hour to go before i clean

Blink says:
ok
I'm going to a rehearsal then I will go home and sleep or something
maybe wal the dog
wal
I will wal the dog

Twiddle says:
wal
that sounds painful for the dog

Blink says:
yeah

Twiddle says:
ok
maybe we won't blog about that

Blink says:
ok
what else?

Twiddle says:
let's blog about....

Blink says:
...

Twiddle says:
ummm
is it raining?

Blink says:
it was
not now
so
[blink]

Twiddle says:
[twiddle]
[plays with desk drawers]

Blink says:
[stare]

Twiddle says:
[drool]
you know, sometimes we just don't have the blogging mojo
today is one of those days

Blink says:
I know
yeah

Blogstruation

Ed note: what follows is truly gross. Don't read if menstruation offends you.

Stayfree says:
aren't your periods supposed to get lighter as you get older?
i bleed like a friggin' hemophiliac

Kotex says:
mine got lighter
for the most part
I used to bleed like a stuck pig for days
now I have one or two medium days
and then barely anything

Stayfree says:
mine got a little lighter for a few years
now i'm back to gushing like a geyser

Kotex says:
weird

Stayfree says:
and
let me tell you something
if you see clots, there will be pain

Kotex says:
yup

Stayfree says:
clots = cramps

Kotex says:
yup

Stayfree says:
and there were some freaky clots this morning
it's like I birthed a family of hairy meatballs

Kotex says:
lolol

Stayfree says:
that is SO gross
i just REALLY grossed myself out
i feel throwuppy

Kotex says:
that was really gross
but
it was funny

What's Happenin'?

Hey Is For Horses says:
hi

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
hey

Hey Is For Horses says:
when did you become a "hey" over a "hi"?

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
um
2 lines ago?

Hey Is For Horses says:
you "hey'd" me yesterday too

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
are you taking me to task over my greeting?

Hey Is For Horses says:
yes
I guess I am

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
may i ask why?

Hey Is For Horses says:
because it is different
you used to be a 'hi'
always
now
suddenly
"hey"
what gives?

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
may i ask why this is a legitimate subject for debate?
you're getting one more letter in your greeting - be happy

Hey Is For Horses says:
it isn't a debate
it is a question

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
no, it is a debate. it has been established that i have changed my greeting. we are debating now...debating the greeting

Hey Is For Horses says:
I guess we are NOW
and
I don't want more letters
I like the hi

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
listen
you'll get what you get and you'll like it

Hey Is For Horses says:
ok
fine
I'll take it
but
you can't make me like it
I will miss the hi

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
build a shrine to it
have a candlelit ceremony in remembrance

Hey Is For Horses says:
maybe I already did

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
it's GONE
time to move on

Hey Is For Horses says:
fine
hey it up!
see if I care!

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
hey
enough of that
you're overreacting
and

Hey Is For Horses says:
ok

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
did you have something you wanted to say when you started this window? I think you got sidetracked by the hey

Hey Is For Horses says:
I froget
frog

DooWayne from that show with the Hey Hey Hey says:
ribbit

Blog Scab

Norma Rae says:
writer's strike schmiter's strike
it's sort of making me angry to hear someone bitch and moan about making ONLY 200K a year
poor fucking baby - send me to grad school.

Jimmy Hoffa says:
are we on strike?

Norma Rae says:
blog wise?

Jimmy Hoffa says:
yeah
we are writers
sort of

Norma Rae says:
oh
i never thought of that
well
people don't pay us

Jimmy Hoffa says:
even more reason

Norma Rae says:
well
no
we're volunteers
you can't strike if you're a volunteer

Jimmy Hoffa says:
I want to
I walking out
I'm
I have already started withholding Ms

Norma Rae says:
ooo
the left side of my face just caved in from eating
a whole roll of sour smarties
listen
you can't strike
you're not even part of the union

Jimmy Hoffa says:
is there a Bloggers' Union?

Norma Rae says:
i don't know
i don't think so

Jimmy Hoffa says:
Let's start one

Norma Rae says:
NO
i'll end up doing all the work AGAIN
so
NO

Jimmy Hoffa says:
HELL NO WE WON'T BLOG!

Norma Rae says:
you're free to do whatever
i need to go get my face fixed