Liar Liar Blog On Fire

Gepetto says:
hi

Pinocchio says:
hi

Gepetto says:
i am thinking about calling you a liar

Pinocchio says:
ok
go ahead
why?

Gepetto says:
relax
i said i was THINKING about it

Pinocchio says:
ok
let me know when you decide

Gepetto says:
i'm gonna put it on the back burner for a while
and then, BAM, when you least expect it, I either will or won't call you a liar

Pinocchio says:
ok
can you gimme a hint?
what did I maybe lie about causing you to THINK about calling me a liar?

Gepetto says:
you said you'd be right back

Pinocchio says:
oh
well

Gepetto says:
listen

Pinocchio says:
yes?
ok

Gepetto says:
i really want you to be aware
and be on the look out for the time that, when you least expect it, I DON'T call you a liar

Pinocchio says:
ok

Gepetto says:
so watch for it

Pinocchio says:
I am ready anytime you suddenly don't call me a liar

Gepetto says:
there

see?
I didn't just call you a liar
were you surprised? not expecting it?

Pinocchio says:
nope
I was ready

Gepetto says:
crap
i'll try again later

Pinocchio says:
you have to get up pretty early in the morning to not call me a liar

And the winner is....

Yesterday, you'll recall that we asked our loyal readers to come up with an explanation for our blogsence that incorporated a few disparate elements.

This is the winning entry.

Thank you, Swollen Colon!


My Colon is More Swollen Than Yours said...
The call came at 5:30 in the morning. Reddy awoke from her blissful slumber to the manaical ramblings of White Text urging her to come to the train station immediately. Reddy, always compliant to whatever ridiculous instructions White Text gave, strapped on her combat boots, punched her sleeping Aunt Patty in the face and ran out the door and down to the train station.

"What's going on!?", Reddy asks impatiently.

White Text explains, "We need to go to Africa, Reddy. The future of the American Idol franchise depends on it. I'll explain on the train."

Reddy, always the more observant of the two, points out, "White Text, this is a train station. We can't take a train to Africa."

White text, oblivious to this keen observation, states, "Get your ticket and follow me!"

They board the train and spot two adjoining seats. Just as they are about to sit down, a vicious street gang traipses over and serenades the two beautiful protagonists with a lovely ditty about chrome plated rims and drugs. After the performance, Reddy punches several of them in the face as a token of her appreciation.

As the train gained speed, the rhythmic sounds of the wheels on the rails lulls the pair to sleep, but only momentarily. After only a few short minutes, White Text awakes and screams, "We must get off the train! Now! The future of Macauly Culkin depends on it!"

Again, Reddy is unquestionably accomodating and they proceed to the nearest emergency exit. After prying open the latch and swinging the door open, White Text shoves Reddy out of the speeding train and quickly jumps out after her.

After quite a hard landing, they find themselves a bit shaken and somwhere in the Bronx. Unphased, they quickly carjack a Chevy Suburban and start driving. White Text, having never driven before, chooses to drive on the wrong side of the road and deftly maneuvers around oncoming traffic. Then, as they are speeding down the busy road, they hear a shrill scream from the backseat. Reddy turns to see the ghostly white face of a Catholic priest nervously making the sign of the cross repeatedly. Reddy screams, "Calm down, Father! Calm down!", before punching him in the face. The priest thanks her and then dives out of the moving vehicle.

After driving for hours, apparently with no destination in mind, White Text falls asleep and they crash into a bus full of zombies and aliens headed to a rally in support of Senator Hillary Clinton.

"Dude," White Text delcards, "I'm tired."

They fall asleep among the pile of dead zombies and aliens.

The End

(I totally ran out of time at the end so it got rushed)

Blogsence

Pork Buns says:
hey

Crabmeat says:
yes?

Pork Buns says:
how are we going to explain our blogsence to our readers?
(that's absence, blogstyle)
they're not going to believe us when we say we were in GA and CA
we need to come up with a juicy story

Crabmeat says:
tell them we have taken a leave of blogsence for personal reasons
and let them speculate wildly
or
make up a juicy story
and leak small details

Pork Buns says:
i like the juicy story option

Crabmeat says:
the story must include:
aliens, drugs, Africa, street gangs, a priest, a stripper, my aunt Patty, zombies and a senator

Pork Buns says:
ok
maybe we should open this up to the readers
challenge them to explain our absence with a story that includes those details

Crabmeat says:
yes
I think that was my idea in the first place
but whatever
you never listen to me

Pork Buns says:
you never make sense

Crabmeat says:
shut up and pass the cheese

Pork Buns says:
you never said WHO was supposed to make up the juicy story

Crabmeat says:
fine

Pork Buns says:
don't you tell me to shut up

Crabmeat says:
I didn't mean shut up in the traditional sense

Pork Buns says:
how did you mean it, then?

Crabmeat says:
I meant shut up as in "please continue talking"

Pork Buns says:
riiight

Crabmeat says:
anywho
let's ask the readers to tell us where we have been

Pork Buns says:
duh. that was my idea

Crabmeat says:
sigh
yes it was your idea

Reunion

White Text says:
did you hate me a lot yesterday
oh
and
hi

Reddy says:
I did not hate you
oh and
hi

White Text says:
hi

Reddy says:
you signed in and out 437 times though

White Text says:
i know
it's the puter
hey
i am getting my toe sawed in half tomorrow
are you excited for me?

Reddy says:
wow
can I have the extra piece?
please?

White Text says:
yes

Reddy says:
thank you
I will cherish it
I will wear it around my neck Angelina and Billy Bob style
as a tribute
to you
and your toes

White Text says:
awwww
i will go out and adopt an antarctic baby and name it Reddy

Reddy says:
I am going to purchase a star and call it White Text the Star

White Text says:
when I become a billionaire I will blast myself into space and name a lavatory on the international space station after you

Reddy says:
I will fly around the world in a hot air balloon and the mountain I crash into will be called Mount McWhite Text

White Text says:
i will quietly teach canadian children to speak american and after i die, i will leave all my estate to the "Reddy Institute for Talking Real Good, Eh?"

Reddy says:
We really missed each other

White Text says:
we really did