And the winner is....

Yesterday, you'll recall that we asked our loyal readers to come up with an explanation for our blogsence that incorporated a few disparate elements.

This is the winning entry.

Thank you, Swollen Colon!


My Colon is More Swollen Than Yours said...
The call came at 5:30 in the morning. Reddy awoke from her blissful slumber to the manaical ramblings of White Text urging her to come to the train station immediately. Reddy, always compliant to whatever ridiculous instructions White Text gave, strapped on her combat boots, punched her sleeping Aunt Patty in the face and ran out the door and down to the train station.

"What's going on!?", Reddy asks impatiently.

White Text explains, "We need to go to Africa, Reddy. The future of the American Idol franchise depends on it. I'll explain on the train."

Reddy, always the more observant of the two, points out, "White Text, this is a train station. We can't take a train to Africa."

White text, oblivious to this keen observation, states, "Get your ticket and follow me!"

They board the train and spot two adjoining seats. Just as they are about to sit down, a vicious street gang traipses over and serenades the two beautiful protagonists with a lovely ditty about chrome plated rims and drugs. After the performance, Reddy punches several of them in the face as a token of her appreciation.

As the train gained speed, the rhythmic sounds of the wheels on the rails lulls the pair to sleep, but only momentarily. After only a few short minutes, White Text awakes and screams, "We must get off the train! Now! The future of Macauly Culkin depends on it!"

Again, Reddy is unquestionably accomodating and they proceed to the nearest emergency exit. After prying open the latch and swinging the door open, White Text shoves Reddy out of the speeding train and quickly jumps out after her.

After quite a hard landing, they find themselves a bit shaken and somwhere in the Bronx. Unphased, they quickly carjack a Chevy Suburban and start driving. White Text, having never driven before, chooses to drive on the wrong side of the road and deftly maneuvers around oncoming traffic. Then, as they are speeding down the busy road, they hear a shrill scream from the backseat. Reddy turns to see the ghostly white face of a Catholic priest nervously making the sign of the cross repeatedly. Reddy screams, "Calm down, Father! Calm down!", before punching him in the face. The priest thanks her and then dives out of the moving vehicle.

After driving for hours, apparently with no destination in mind, White Text falls asleep and they crash into a bus full of zombies and aliens headed to a rally in support of Senator Hillary Clinton.

"Dude," White Text delcards, "I'm tired."

They fall asleep among the pile of dead zombies and aliens.

The End

(I totally ran out of time at the end so it got rushed)